What Children Say About Death And Funerals

These kids' comments were made by children attending Karen Nilsen's STAR classes at the Morris Nilsen Funeral Chapel since 1997.

Kids' Comment of the Week

John age 6:

John was attending a STAR Class before the visitation for his grandmother. I explained to John that often when we say good-bye to someone, we touch. Sometimes we shake their hand, or pat their shoulder. We might give them a hug, or if it is someone we love, we might even kiss them. I told him he could choose to touch his grandmother's hand when we went together to view. He said, "I don't think I will choose to do that." I responded, " Tell me, what do you think it would be like if you did?" "I think I would just faint!"

He then proceeded to tell me of the latest Goosebumps™ episode he had watched on television, where a body in a casket had sat up and dragged a little girl inside. I reminded him that these things were not real, but only pretend. He nodded in agreement.

I explained how death was different from being alive and that when a person's body dies it doesn't work anymore, "It cannot see or hear or feel or move."

When we went up to the casket with his STAR message, he indeed chose not to touch her hand. As I patted the hand of the deceased, I reassured him that his decision was okay and that if he changed his mind later he could do it then.

Children need to know that they have choices about their level of participation in the funeral process. Those who are prepared for the funeral experience are better able to make decisions and to participate in it with more confidence and understanding.

The STAR class is helpful in explaining the events of the visitation, funeral and burial and gives kids an opportunity to express their feelings and concerns about their loved one who died. They learn that a funeral is a Special Time to Always Remember™

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