How the STAR Class Works

"Should my child attend the funeral?"
"I have been so busy, I just haven't had time to talk to the children."
"How do I explain this whole funeral thing?"

These questions are heard by funeral directors every day. So often, children are left out of the visitation and funeral process because parents and grandparents, struggling with their own grief and sadness just simply don't know what to say to their kids.

The STAR Class is a sensitive, caring approach to helping kids understand the visitation, funeral/memorial service through stories, pictures, discussion, a craft activity, and a STAR message.

Help at a Difficult Time

The days surrounding a death can be a confusing and disorienting time for young children. Altered daily routines and unfamiliar sights and sounds can be difficult for them to understand and cope with. Children notice even the most subtle changes in their routines and surroundings.

The STAR Class contains words and images that are not usually a part of everyday conversation for children or adults. Providing children with the opportunity to hear the words of the funeral process, to express feelings and concerns in a creative art activity, and to write a STAR message to their loved one who has died can give them a sense of power over this new experience and help allay fears about what the funeral is all about.

Years of Experience

I have been teaching the STAR Class in our funeral home since 1996. It is offered to families with young children, at need, for traditional funerals as well as memorial services. Children have ranged in age from two to nineteen years and have attended classes for siblings, friends, parents, grandparents, and classmates. The STAR Class has the flexibility to be of value to children in a wide range of circumstances.

The Class Itself

The class is introduced at the time arrangements are made and is held during the private family viewing time before the visitation or wake. The STAR class takes about 30 minutes.

This allows adult family members an opportunity to view for the first time without children present and to make final preparations of the visitation room. At the same time it prepares the children for what they may see, hear, and experience when they approach the casket for the first time.

The children are then escorted to the visitation room and gather at the casket where they are joined by their parents and other relatives. The adults watch in awe as each child "chooses" to approach the casket, place his or her STAR message in with the deceased, and touch the hand of their loved one who died. Children then have an opportunity to ask questions and make comments about what they are experiencing. I invite the children to return to the casket as often as they wish.

It has been a privilege for me to spend this time with the children of the families we have served. It is my hope that children everywhere will have the opportunity to attend a STAR class before the services of a loved one and that they will learn that a funeral is a Special Time to Always Remember